Wednesday, November 26, 2008

COW ECONOMICS....


Perhaps we all need a bit of cheering up...


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies.
You then employ someone else to do the work and you grab
all future profits to fund your indolent lifestyle.


SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using 20 letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.


A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-eng ineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

22 comments:

J Parker said...

You have two cows in Tralee.

They're both native of the area.

www.kerrycattle.ie

Anonymous said...

OBAMAISM
You have two cows.
You get 1 to run for president and campaign it by saying it's black with a big white spot

Anonymous said...

Same anonymous as the 1 before

An Ethiopian Corporation

You have two cows.
You grow very skinny.
Your cows grow very skinny.
You die and someone claiming your cows has to pay lots of tax to claim it.
The cows die.
The guywho claimed the cows die because he has no money from taxes and paying someone to fake him inheriting the cows

Anonymous said...

Same anonymous as the 1 before

An Ethiopian Corporation

You have two cows.
You grow very skinny.
Your cows grow very skinny.
You die and someone claiming your cows has to pay lots of tax to claim it.
The cows die.
The guywho claimed the cows die because he has no money from taxes and paying someone to fake him inheriting the cows

Anonymous said...

Same anonymous as the 1 before

An Ethiopian Corporation

You have two cows.
You grow very skinny.
Your cows grow very skinny.
You die and someone claiming your cows has to pay lots of tax to claim it.
The cows die.
The guywho claimed the cows die because he has no money from taxes and paying someone to fake him inheriting the cows

Anonymous said...

sorry didn't mean to post it three times

Anonymous said...

me again

updating from another site

Tribalism

You have two cows.
Your neighbors take both and shoot you.

Redistributionism

You have two cows.
Everyone should have the same amount of cow.
The government takes both cows, cuts them up and spends more money than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

Redistributionism revisited

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to someone who doesn't know how to milk it.

Bureaucracy

You have two cows.
The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other

Libertarianism

You have two cows.
You let them do what they want.

Capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.

Reaganomics

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull.
You take out a huge loan on the cow, and ignore both the cow and the loan from that point on.
Then you try and milk the bull and blame the japanese for its lack of production

Conservatism

You have two cows.
They pray in school every day.

Liberalism

You have two cows.
You don't worry they sleep together

Protectionism

You have two cows.
You can't buy a bull from another country.

Perotism

You have two cows.

You aren't allowed to sell the milk to Mexicans.

Hillaryism

You have two cows. Everyone should have a cow from the government, even if they don't want a cow.

Clintonism

You have two cows. The president can't decide what he wants to do about it.

Anonymous said...

BAnkers

You have 2 cows.
You lend 500 cows
The govt bails u out for 300 cows
You give 150 cows to a chief executive as a bonus

Vinícius Batista said...

AN BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
The government takes your cows and talks that will deliver prosperity poor, and then when you pass by the ranch of President, there are her

Anonymous said...

Obamanisim

you have two cows
the government takes both and says they will give them to someone who realy needs them.
you are left starving

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Anonymous said...

Europeanism

you have two cows.
You let both cows live in a barn.
You don't milk the cows.
The government pays you alot of money.

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